Why self care is so g@# da&* important

So we're moms and we never sit down.  We are up the moment we hear feet shuffling, or before if you're me and desperately need those moments before everyone is awake to yourself on those mornings you can actually drag yourself out of bed to get them.  You make breakfast. You race them to school drop off.  You race yourself to pilates/soul cycle/the TRX class that you love that starts at 9 and you can barely get the last few square inches left in the class or any equipment because you've barely made it there. You race to shower, race to get dressed and try to look kind of stylish given major time constraints and no brain cells to put together an outfit.  You race to volunteer at Science lab even though you have a laundry list of things to do outside and inside the home but your son is going to be fuming at you if you blow it off AGAIN this month. You get recruited while your racing out of the school to volunteer at 6 other fundraisers. You race to fit your one errand in before racing back to pick up your son at preschool who is crying because he didn't think you were ever coming back.  You race home to get him a snack. You race through a quick play time with him because its time to pick up your other son. You race him home saying no we can't go to the science lab to hold the gekko because you're going to be late for your motor skills class across town. You race more snacks into him so he doesn't get low blood sugar and act out in the car ride to and from.  You race home and wonder how anyone can remember or think about whats for dinner or how to get dinner started at 4:45 when you haven't even thought about it and now the kids are beating each other up, looking for personal attention and releasing from the day.  You race to get dinner on the table and clean it up before bedtime if you're lucky because its the last thing you want to think about when the kids are in bed. You try to convince your husband to give them a bath because you totally flaked on it last night and their fingernails are dirty and their feet are black. Race to get them in to bed on time so you have YOUR time, race to get them their last sips of water so they don't get out of bed again, race to try to get at least one thing taken care of before the next day so you're not racing all over again.  When you finally sit down, you melt your brain to Real Housewives or the Bachelor or some other show where people get drunk and fight. 

THIS IS NOT SELF CARE. 

Why are we so tired and burnt out and stressed and resentful all the time?  We don't spend any time going within, and checking in with ourselves and taking a moment to ask what's coming up and making our teeth clentch.  We need to take more deep breaths before stressful times of day (like jetting out to fetch our children). We need to journal and let our thoughts out and vent to a friend or a professional or some solid form of positive support.  We need to listen less to time suckers and complainers who drain us and don't fill us up.  We need to sit and think and be at peace with our minds and BREATH.  If we don't, this cycle continues.  I am very guilty of it, and I find the more I let my time get dominated by trips to the dry cleaner/target/UPS, the more stress and anger shows up for me and then...I get sick.  Why? It is the only way for the universe and your body to say "SIT THE FUCK DOWN". Its sad but I always see the pattern.  I'll be going along, ignoring me, putting all my efforts into everyone else, and all of a sudden I wake up with a sore throat or a new cold.  Then I know its time to chill.  Why does it take this to force ourselves to take a break? 

I'm giving you this advice just as much as I'm giving it to myself. Log on to Headspace.  Buy a really pretty journal.  Walk your dog and listen to inspiring Ted Talks.  Spend an hour looking through Pinterest design ideas and creating your own boards with your dream house.  Do what you love and what lights you up, and I feel like the race will be over.  Or at least feel better.  I want to feel successful in ALL aspects of my life, not just the surviving-not-thriving momhood responsibilities. I know this sounded like a negative rant but I feel better now, saying it.  Thanks for listening. Now go plan an adult playdate.

The Big Leap

I read a book called The Big Leap which was recommended to me from my therapist.  Its pretty impressive because I am the most noncommittal reader I know.  I start something, then fall asleep or would rather catch up on mindless Real Housewives crap or binge watch Stranger Things with my husband.  Where do people find time to read? Do you all plop yourselves on the couch midday, surrounded by laundry and toys and just cruise? I don't know how this works.  There is always a village at my house.  Play dates, nannies, visitors, kids.  The hours alone seem stuck between errands and household duties and the like.  I really only find the time to blog when I force myself to sit down, and no one is in my face or actually in my house or awake for that matter. 

Anyways, this book is really mind bowing and I can't let it leave my bedside table because I really don't want to forget the experience that's in it!  It talks about figuring out what your true, deep down ultimate talents are, your "Zone of Genius" as he calls it, and how to pursue them and not let them go.  Its actually up to you if you let them go, but the idea is to go deep enough that you can't deny what fuels you and enlivens you, and to run with it.  I am a known procrastinator.  Mostly if you ask my husband.  I always have notes all over my desk and piles and lists of stupid shit I really need to handle but don't.  I feel kind of bad about that, but the real problem is the to-do list for my soul.  For the last 4 years I've been avoiding myself because I feel like I haven't had the time to do anything for me.  I have a great social calendar and hell yeah I keep up with all my mani/pedi, eyelash and tan appointments, but I do a poor job of feeding my soul.  I think that's why I restarted my blog.  I feel like If I have a voice out there, and someone is hearing it, I'm held accountable to keep speaking.  I feel like there are a lot of creative talents in me, but not one that feels important enough to hone in on. 

Catering is way too time consuming and involves weekends and evenings. Nope.

Styling is too daunting and there are so many more fashion-forward people than me out there. Nope.

Music is my soul, but I have zero experience in the music industry and I don't want to just be an admin at a recording studio or record label.  I'm not organized enough anyway.  I can't keep my desk clean. Ever.

So what do you do with this? Do it all? Write about it and take pictures of it? Maybe.

I do know I enjoy making people laugh. I enjoy live music immensely.  I love making someone a hand crafted artisanal cocktail and seeing their face when I know I've nailed it.  I love cooking and taking care of people and having them in my home.  I love creating the most perfect ambiance with music, lighting, decor, food and drinks.  I love putting my favorite, most interesting people with all their different personalities in a room and seeing what happens.  I like the joy of a party from start to finish, being surrounded by great people, making them laugh and having them feel full and happy.  I don't know how that translates into what my path is but I suppose I'll keep doing it and documenting it until I do. While I'm on my journey, join me.  Maybe you'll figure out your zone of genius too.